Mom and I are back from the Keys. We thought it might help to get out of the house for a few days. We hoped for sunshine and sand, but we got buckets of rain instead. But we made the best of it. Caleb was our sunshine, getting us up and celebrating the day, even if we didn't feel like it. I'm trying to make sure Mom is well taken care of Dad. I always will. She keeps saying how you treated her like a queen. Her heart is broken. Mine is too. But I can't fully comprehend the depth of her pain. I can imagine it. I keep putting myself in her shoes. She met you at the same age I met Bobby. So I can imagine. Yet my mind won't even fully let me go there. Thank you for showing me, even now, what 30 years of intense love and wonderful marriage looks like.
I keep replaying the last couple weeks in my mind. I dream about you every single night. Some dreams you are healthy and young. Some dreams you are back in that hospital bed. I hope you were comfortable Dad. I hope you were comforted. I hope we did the right things.
I'm sorry that it took all of this for my eyes to open to the full picture of you. You were a bit of a behind the scenes kind of guy. Don't get me wrong, I knew how wonderful of a father, husband, pastor and friend you were. But I let things get in the way. Frankly I don't even know what those things were now. I was hard on you Dad. Maybe for the simple fact that you were my dad. Maybe it was because you were so tough, I knew you could take it. I don't know.
The cards don't stop coming in. The checks in honor of you as well. You were so well loved. You changed the world. I have so much to live up to, to make you proud. That's what I keep thinking. I have so much to live up to.
Me and mom and Michael are all trying Dad. Trying to get up with the sun and conquer the day for good. Just like you did. We are sticking together. Your family loves you and uses the strength you left behind.
I love you,
Christal
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