Dad,
Today is Halloween. I know you never cared about this holiday, but I know you'd have loved Caleb dressed as the world's strongest man. I'm sitting here watching him nap right now. Your death (I still hate saying or even typing those words) has inspired me to slow things down. Watch him nap sometimes. Hug my husband before he leaves for work.
I'm collecting food for a local food bank and signing us up for charity walks. It's truly not much at all. But I feel the urge to fill my days with much more meaningful actions. Not everyone leaves a legacy like you Dad. Not everyone's death spurns others to live greater more meaningful lives. But yours did.
It's weird to celebrate anything right now. Even a silly day like Halloween. Moments of regular life or happy moments are sandwiched between thoughts of you. They aren't always sad. Some are. Some are the thoughts that make me cry and replay the last few weeks with you and mom. Others are more nostalgic and make my heart ache and my stomach feel a new type of queasy unsettledness.
You're everywhere though. In a way you weren't before. Or you were, but I didn't stop to notice it in quite the same way.
Some people are very matter of fact when trying to comfort me about it. "Life goes on," "Just a part of life," "We all go through it." All of which are true. All of which I would rather not hear anymore. I prefer those that don't say much at all. That seems like a better response to me. But as you would want me to, I'm being understanding and thankful for even the attempts people make towards caring about me and you and our family.
I love you Dad.
Christal
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