October 24, 2014.

Dad,
Mom is trying to take care of everything around the house. The things you wanted done, in the way you wanted them done. She got the alarm system for the house updated and installed. She can turn on the house alarm from her phone, and though she didn't necessarily care about this feature, she knew you did. So she got it done. All the little life things that have to be done after someone dies. Canceling your phone and notifying different places. Mom does it with such strength, though I see how it hurts. Cements the whole thing. You'd be so proud of her though Dad. Your wife is a warrior. She is broken, but she picks up all those pieces and carries them around, singing a song, praying out loud, talking to you. I hear her tell herself everyday...it's ok. It's ok. It's ok. She does it for the same reason I'm doing it I think. I know how much it would hurt you to see us in pain. Even in the hospital. You told me that it was tearing you up to see what this illness was doing to US! Not to you, but to us. I know you wouldn't want us to just give in to the hurt too much. I can honestly tell you that the three of us are trying our best not to do that. We are grieving you, reflecting on this experience and trying to make ourselves stronger and better because of it.
But I miss you Dad. I know that because of where I live we didn't see each other all the time. Yet you were there. Present is some way in my life. I guess you still are, just in a different way. It's painful.
The feeling or image that kept coming to my mind as you passed out of this world was that of a tower or building that was made up of large blocks. Once you were gone, one of those very large blocks, from the bottom level of the tower was taken out. A big square void and a building with an uneven foundation. You were my cornerstone Dad. Even when I didn't realize it. I felt safe and protected because of you.
I know that's what you wanted. Job well done.

I miss singing with you. I will miss seeing you on my front porch singing and talking with mom. I miss your stubbornness, your goofiness.

I love you Dad.

Christal